Travel Journal

Flight(s) to Perth

(Thursday 1 October 2009) by Al/Alvin "Poison" Challis
Well i am now in Perth after being on a plane for approximately 20 hours all being told. It was never going to be easy but it would not be me if there were not things that did not trigger my imagination or deserve comment here.

On the flight from Heathrow to Hong Kong for example, i was sat next to an 80 year Chinese man who looked a dead ringer for Deng Xiaoping (former Communist premier of China). He made a scene of himself on the plane by complaining that there was no sir-fried chicken meals left for him to eat when the stewardesses came round to feed us. Not being happy is an understatement. Expletives in Cantanese for sure coupled with a stern looking face and menacing voice it certainly was.

On the planes they now have these big mega computers from which you can basically choose whatever you want to do on the flight bar soliciting sexual preferences from the incredibly good looking stewardesses (Or so it seems; I bet people have tried). It really is that extensive. I almost gave everything a go from watching the pile of Tom Hank's wank that is Angels and Demons to playing interactive in-flight Pool whilst listening to Pearl Jam. However, Deng wanted nothing to do with it. The only things he did was complain,keep asking constantly for tea from the stewardesses, and to consistently blind me when turning on his seats reading light. Painful stuff.

I arrived in Hong Kong and had a 3 hour stopover before my connecting flight to Perth. Hong Kong apparently had a temperature of 29C that day and it seemed pretty muggy considering the amount of dragonflies that seemed hellbent on battering down the glass of the departure lounge that i was waiting in. Hong Kong looks nice though and a place that i would like to look in more depth at some point. Maybe my friend Mike Lau will hook me up at some point if he reads this...

On my connecting flight to Perth, i had another winner of a passenger sat next to me (not!). I asked him who he was, and what he was doing in Perth. "Lars, and i am going for a conference and a holiday". It was not what he said that worried me, but how he said it. It sounded like he was from a very posh part of Surrey and with that i thought that i am not going to speak to him again for the remainder of the flight. (it turned out later on he was Norwegian; just shows my lack of judgement and auditary skills).

To my left across the aisle was a middle-aged Aussie who looked like he had spent the majority of his life in the sun. Still this was not getting in the way of the amount of red wine that he was consuming to get through the flight and to consume as much as humanly possible. I decided to get rid of my flight pain and to do the same.

I arrived in Perth in an absolutely drunken and mentally destroyed state. A pounding headache coupled with a natural lack of patience with crap that i cannot stand, did in fact help me to get through customs and Immigration control in one piece with no hitches. The old Aussie had it sorted. I will definitely do this again. As they say, "Drink Australian, Think Australian". Here's hoping that the rest of this trip is trouble free like my immigration, ans there is more inspired drinking to be had .

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